It’s called “Why Do Kids Do The Things They Do?”
This is what drives most parents insane.
They Can’t quite wrap their head around why kids are doing the things they do. So let’s find out WHY! Mostly, for the same reasons you do! They use similar, but less mature, strategies. I will teach you about the variations here. How did kids make choices? Because they make choices just like you do.
They weigh things out. Like a scale. What are the pluses? What are the minuses? Kids think about what’s going to lead to the MOST Pleasure in the LEAST amount of Pain. That’s what they’re weighing out in their minds. I told you in a Previous Session that people move TOWARDS Pleasure and AWAY from Pain. We’re always trying to maximize their pleasure and minimize their pain. That’s how they weigh it out.
They do a “Cost-Benefit Analysis.” So kids will take the action that they think will lead to the most pleasure and the least amount of pain. I’m going to show you here in a minute, exactly where they go wrong in this area, which makes you wonder what were they thinking? Remember this kids use “Foresight,” which means they try to look into the future anticipate what’s happening because they HAVEN’T seen these things before.
They TRY to imagine what would happen … if I did this, what would happen? Adults use “Hindsight.” I already KNOW what happens. I do this stupid thing and this horrible thing happens.(LOL) How do I know that? I already did this experiment before … and I KNOW How it comes out. PAINFUL.. So I won’t do THAT anymore. So I don’t have to imagine it … I’ve got many examples of exactly how this can go wrong and why.
Adults KNOW how things come out … and Kids GUESS! So that’s how YOU figured out, and that’s how KIDS figure it out. Kids are GUESSING at what happens and adults already KNOW. So when they’re guessing, they don’t have these “Warnings” like you.
Why did YOU ever have that problem? It’s because your foresight was no damned good either, or you would have said, “Oh, I pictured this going horribly wrong.” Correct Answer? DON’T do it! And you would NEVER have made a mistake in your life. Is that how your life went? What if it did, it was wildly different than mine. I made a TON Of Mistakes! Life is “TRIAL & ERROR!” We do TRIAL & ERROR too and we make mistakes.
We IMAGINED it was going to be one way and It ended up being another way. So we fell flat on our butts. That’s ok! Our kids are going to do the same thing. We think it’s obvious.
Yes, the answer is obvious AFTER I tell you. Adults already KNOW the answer when they look back they say, “Oh, that’s obvious.” “That’s so simple.” It’s like when they tell you the answer on a test, and you think, “oh my god, I knew that! It’s so simple … I should have thought of that! Experience Teaches! So kids are always guessing at what will happen in the future. And because they have no reference, no EXPERIENCE that this isn’t right. This idea is PERFECT in their mind.
They try to think of every way it could go wrong, BUT, because they couldn’t picture anything going wrong … All they have in their minds is this thing going Right. They try to figure out ways it might go wrong and they say, “No, I can’t picture it, or I can picture it but that probably wouldn’t happen and they weigh that possibility very low on the scale. So It All Looks Good to them.
And they feel perfectly confident doing things, they BELIEVE in their guesses. This is WHY they do a lot of what they do. F FEELINGS are VERY important for kids. Kids use way more EMOTIONAL logic than adults. There are two kinds of logic. There’s emotional logic and what I call INTELLECTUAL logic where you think about things with NO emotion involved … Strict logic. So let’s call it “INTELLECTUAL Logic.” Kids mostly use “EMOTIONAL Logic.” I FEEL like this and therefore it IS. So, for kids FEELINGS are Like FACTS.
Adults can separate those two. But for kids feelings are facts. And feelings are even COMPULSIONS and they have a hard time resisting compulsion. Many Adults, even in adulthood, have a hard time resisting feelings and compulsions that make them compulsively do things … they get stuck in these loops. I do it … you do it … everybody does it. We know what areas we do in it. You think, “Boy, this is dumb, this is stupid.” And you do it again tomorrow. (LOL) Smokers know you’re NOT supposed to smoke. They know it’s horrible … you don’t need to tell them this.
They know it’s absolutely, positively, intellectually, stupid and they’re going to do it again tomorrow and right now. “I got bored listening to you. You make me want to smoke Mr. Paul” (LOL) ANY EXCUSE WILL DO! They know that it’s Emotional logic. They know it’s a Feeling, it’s a Compulsion. They know that Logically they shouldn’t do it. To kids Feelings equal Facts … and feelings equal compulsion.
They don’t know how to resist this yet. So that’s why they do a LOT of the things that they do. Newsflash!! Kids are going to bow to peer pressure. So why are we trying to keep the RIGHT kids around them? Because there’s TWO kinds of peer pressure … POSITIVE peer pressure and NEGATIVE peer pressure.
I always kept good kids around me, so I didn’t have kids saying , “You should drink beer or do drugs and jump off bridges and you know walk across the ice.” All these types of stupid things. REMEMBER: Kids are going to bow to peer pressure. Adults still do it! If I want to convince somebody of something, I’ll put them in a room where I have 2 or 3 of my friends that I know are going to agree with me and nod.
They just sit there looking like they’re agreeing with everything I say and I will have twice the chance of getting that person to believe me or agree with me than if I didn’t have the other 2 or 3 people in the room agreeing with me. Works even if they are NOT saying anything. It add believably, certainty and peer pressure subconsciously. We fall for this as adults all the way from the cradle to the grave. We bow to peer pressure.
Hopefully this Training will help YOU Resist it! 🙂 It goes from very conscious when you’re a teenager, to very unconscious when you’re an adult. But it still works Kids also have a MUCH smaller pool of experience to draw on. So you have a rich history of what works and what doesn’t and WHY! . EXPERIENCE Equals UNDERSTANDING. Nothing Beats Experience for Understanding. You have have also developed more sophisticated logic systems. You’ve got a lot more HISTORY to draw on. They don’t. You would think they’d already seen an analogy of this. But even our analogy is more sophisticated all the time.
So if it works like this over here … that’s kind of just like this, so it must work the same over here. Now kids have to go through it and they don’t realize, they don’t make those connections, that the two things are similar. So they have to rerun the experiment in each area. As an adult you can say all of this is just like when I deal with my finances or this is just like when I had this relationship problem.
I will probably have the same issue with my wife or my coworker if I do the same thing. Kids have to do the Experiments to LEARN. They have that same conversation with the wife of the guy that had a conversation with a coworker. Kids don’t get it yet. It’s OK. Their brains are still maturing, they are still learning. Our kids are right on track.