this is called the “Parents Pledge” and it simply states “I will set a good example for my child.”
These are the rules, that if you follow these, you will be a great parent. Some of these we talked about.
We talked about role modeling very early on this course.
2) “I will show my children. I love them every day through words and affection” so words and actions. We’ve talked about this.
3) “I will listen to my children and let them know that I value what they say” Doesn’t say I’ll agree with what they say. I will let them know that I value what they say.
Perfect great great pledge. I have two copies of these. I would bring in the parents pledge and I would sit down with the parent. I would sit down with the child and I would say, “You know what? Sir, Madam, I need to get certain agreements from you. Ok? That as a good parent that you’ll be able to do these things, using your promises to yourself, to me, and most importantly to your child.
Let’s read through these and see if these are things that you think you might be able to agree to. And we go through the parents pledge … and you’ll notice I’m setting something up. I go through and I have the parents agree to these things and if I present them properly they’ll always agree to.
I haven’t had a parent yet not agreed these principles. Plus, these are really easy things to agree to. Then, once I’ve done that and I get the parents to agree. I turn to the Child, who Never thought his parents would agreed to all this.
I look the Child in the eye and say, “You know what? As luck would have it I have a SECOND sheet … It’s called the “CHILD’S PLEDGE” And you know what it says? … the exact same thing. It says, 1) “I will set a good example for my parents” I tell the Child, “I have 2 parents myself. Parents are very difficult to raise. You try and lead by example. Give them a good home. Keep them out of gangs and away from drugs. It’s not easy being a child raising 2 parents. Parents can be tough. I’m on my own here.
Maybe I should get a brother or sister to help me … but for now, it’s just me.” And we laugh about it. (LOL) But I say, “Could you set a good example for your parents?” You want your parents to respect you … can you go first and show them how to do it? Show them how to be respectful? Even at times when they are not respectful to you? Can you step u and take the parental role as a child … Step up and show respect and act better than your parents? That’s what I need you to do.
2) I will show my parents I love them every day through words & affection” “This may be a little harder for you. But could you pull it off? I know at one point you really loved your parents. If you do Number two … I know reconnect with them and you will get the love you need. We’re going to get a “Positive Spiral” going here. You’re going to love them more … they will love you more .. you can love them more … They’re going to love you more. Until a lot of these problems go away.
Do you think you can pull this off? and they say, “OK” and Now the next one … “I will listen to my parents and let them know that I value what they say.” Not that you agree with what your parents say … but you value it , you at least believe that they believe it. Can we agree on that one? Child says, “Yeah” See how wonderful this works? It works BOTH ways too. So let’s look at the next part of the “Parent’s Pledge” “I will praise my child’s accomplishments and efforts towards accomplishments.” and I underline efforts here,
because sometimes they try something & they fail. That’s all right. I say, “You gave it a really good shot. You put a lot of effort in, I could see you were really trying. I was just proud that even took a shot at it.” You can praise their efforts that way. They could be trying to throw the ball from the pitcher’s mound and try to throw it into the strike zone and they only get it from the pitcher’s mound to halfway to home plate.
You say, “Well, you got 50 percent of the way there … That’s awesome!” We’ve got this thing half solved. (LOL) I can see you’re trying, that is all I ask. The GOAL is to NOTE Progress and BUILD the Relationship by Appreciating the Efforts.
PERFECT! “That’s OK … you’re just zooming in on the target, and throwing with authority. Don’t worry, we haven’t run out of balls yet! Just keep pitching and improving.” Show the Child you are EXCITED with their EFFORTS! Say, “I know your going to get and be Great someday soon!” Show the LOVE. That’s another way to praise the child’s accomplishments their efforts and show them that you know they’re going to be successful, you have no doubt in your mind But it takes time. So praise the accomplishments.
Give them a pat on the back … Show appreciation. They will LOVE you for it! 5) “I will have realistic expectations for my children.” Not unrealistic … REALISTIC. That’s not a typo! “I will allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from those experiences.” A lot of times parents are trying to force all their ideas on the child, because they don’t want their child to make a mistake. Why? Because they’ll be consequences.
But, for most mistakes, If they’re not life and death, and you know you’re not going to win this one … Let them make some of those mistakes. Let them LEARN from their experience. That’s actually a beautiful thing! That’s half of how YOU grew up.