You may say this is an oversimplification, and I wouldn’t disagree with you. You can take the ages from zero to age 18 and you can slice it down to as many parts as you want but I want to reduce that complicated to the simple and look at the two basic phases of parenting. There’s the “Point and Click” phase.This is when they get out of the baby stage around two, three, four years old, right until they hit the adolescent phase which is somewhere between right around 10 to 13 years old. . That’s the separation that I make, when you are doing actual parenting.
Parenting where you can have a real conversation with the children. So we’re going to look at these two phases … It’s how we’re going to break it down. And this will make it simpler for you to understand this training.So let’s look at the “Point and Click” Phase.This is age zero to somewhere between 10 and 13.Remember everybody develops at a different rate and there’s even sex differences, like females will develop quicker than males they’ll mature a little bit faster.So in the point and click phase, the Child is an absolute delight. They listen, they take instruction well.
That’s why we call it “Point and Click.” SO EASY!I tell him what to do.They’re like on a remote control.Think of it that way.And they are LOTS of fun to be with.You can hug them, you can kiss them.You almost can’t spoil him too much.You CAN … So be careful.But, it’s very difficult to do so.Why?Because they can take a lot of praise.They can take a lot of love.
When you have to consequence them, you can keep it very mild because this is the point where relationships are usually very strong.Why?Because they have yet to be tested.And as long as you’re doing a good job as a parent … you probably won’t have any major issues during this phase.This is also a phase that creates a massive illusion for parents and some bad habits.Like I said, you almost can’t spoil a child too much during this phase. Sso what will happen is you’ll carry that on into the adolescent phase … all these old “bad” habits …. and it’s almost like the light has changed and you don’t realize it!You go out into a new stage and you have a transition.
So you just keep doing everything that you are successful with all along. You just keep going. Wrong style of parenting for the wrong phase. And you’ll lose. And then you blame the child and say “Tthe child became spoiled.””I don’t know what the hell happened.””They were doing great for so long … What Happened?””They just became this adolescent terror and they turned on me and blah blah blah blah blah.”But I’ll look back over the history and I’ll say “No, That’s about how they’re going to turn out if you spoil your child all the way through till they leave the house.What will happen is you have a high level of love with your child.
And then, one of two things will happen.They’ll continue to be great with you … because they love you so much.But they won’t know how to deal with the world … they won’t have a thick skin.Every little thing will crush them.They will expect to be spoiled for life. They’ll get out there when they’re 18 and life will crush them! Because life isn’t going to make everything fair.Life isn’t going to kiss their butt. Life isn’t going to swoop in and save them every single time.
And they will get crushed.And that’s actually your best case scenario.You’ll get crushed … but you have no problems with them.Now in about 30-45% of cases, somewhere in there …a little less than half.They’re going to turn on you.They’re going to say hey I can give you hell … because I CAN. And they’re going to. Or they get frustrated in life and they take it out on you.and they learn that you accept that and that works.
You keep spoiling them and putting up with it and they turn on you.And that’ll happen a good chunk of the time. And you’ll Say “WHY? I was such a good mom, I was such a good dad, I gave him everything!”You start crying into your tissue and your friends will say “Yeah, I saw you were so good to them. Why are they so bad to you? Evil child.”No.YOU set this up and that’s the way the seed grew.OK. You didn’t readjust for the child’s NEW Phase.You didn’t switch your parenting style at the right time.You’ll feel justified, and you’ll feel like you’re in the one up position, you’ll feel holier than thou.But, No.
YOU created that child.Own it.Full Disclosure … Kids can Be Somewhat Challenging during the “Point & Click Phase” …Nobody is Perfect :)They’ll react a little bit.They’ll give you a hard time.So I don’t want to tell you it’s all roses and flowers when they’re a little kid … but they’re so easy to work with compared to an adolescent.It’s nothing like the adolescent Phase. If you’ve already had one child, you know this , if you haven’t …wait for it.Young Kids are relatively easy to deal with.It’s not 100 percent.
But they will give you a FALSE perception that you’re a great parent in that zero to 10 to 13 year range because they present so few challenges. but you don’t know …have yet to be tried … until you hit the “Adolescent” Phase.So, the “Adolescent” phase is the phase in which you regret having been given the ability to reproduce. (LOL) I say that as a joke … but some would be like “No Paul, that’s just about right!”Because maybe you are having challenges or you have been through this already.. So, I say it in a humorous type of way … but this is where you find out if you’re a good parent or not.Why?Because during the “Adolescent” phase … this is where they do all their Shifts. This is where they do all their Changes. We will talk more about that later. But be thinking about that as you go through this part of the training. This is where you truly find out, “when the rubber hits the road.
“If you’re a real parent. It is so important to make the shift! Time to Change Tactics!So what is the “adolescent” Phase? The “Adolescent” Phase is the time when the Child transitions Slowly into The Adult and begins to know the challenges and pains of being an adult.So they are going to try to become independent, pull away from you, and you’re going to feel that. They’re going to test themselves against you …. which means challenge you.. And they’re going to go through pains that they don’t understand and sometimes they’re going to try to be independent and solve them on their own. They are going to have depressed and dark periods.Other times, they’re going to come back as if to say, “Mommy / Daddy … Save me!” And they’re going to want the warmth and security of the family because they’re not getting it outside the home or something bad is happening.
They want to be comforted like any human being wants to be comforted.So you’re going to have this wild thing where they’re getting closer, pulling away, getting closer, pulling away.They used to love to go and drive around with mommy and go to all these places or they felt their dad was their daddy was their best friend.And then all of sudden … they’re asking you to drop them off at school … and ask if you can you stop a block before the school, so the other kids don’t see me riding with you.So, they’re trying to be a little bit more independent … they’re trying to separate.It’s a tough, tough stage … but if you navigate it with skill .. you will be alright.Now, during the Adolescent phase it’s going to become all about their friends.This is a neurological change that happens in their brains.