We have to learn how to discipline children, but we have to learn how to do it the right way so we can maintain the Relationship.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. So this is a section on Discipline, but it’s also about HOW, WHY, WHEN. There’s WAY more to it than “Here’s a carrot. Here’s a stick.” Great Cartoon: “Discipline & Good behavior are the Keys to family harmony … So my husband & I do everything our kids tell us to do” I have see parents that actually submit to all their Kids Wishes and I’ve seen the reverse.
Kids who submit to whatever you tell them. WHY? Just to get you off their back … but you end up raising little “yes men” & “yes women.” NOT Good! Harsh Discipline and Strict Control is NOT Good Parenting. So we want a balance of discipline and good behavior.
KEY Discipline Concept: “He who Disciplines Least, Disciplines Best!” So What does that mean? It means that by disciplining very little … The kids Rarely need Disciplining. Why? It’s because they love me … and they don’t want to lose my affection.
Therefore, they do very few things wrong. I also slowly made adjustments for them and I let them know over time when they started to go off track a little bit so that I don’t have to be correcting them all the time. So I don’t have to wait until it gets really, really bad. I make small adjustments along the way.
Therefore it never gets to the point where I have to actually discipline them I say, “Hey, you’re going off track, a little bit here, a little bit there. How are you making out here? Are you keeping up with this?” That way it never gets to the point of a consequence.
OK. And also I raise good, caring, loving, intelligent, kids because I use all the skills I’m sharing with you here. We use the skills with your kids you will have to discipline very little. Just tells you you’re doing great parenting. If you have to discipline all the time, your on your kid all the time … Wow! Something’s gone horribly wrong! So, “He who discipline’s least, discipline’s best.” Now, how can this be? We’re going to teach you how to use something called “Natural Consequences.” You’re going to absolutely, positively, love this. It will take a huge amount of pressure off of you.
It’s going to be great for the kid and you. You will both will both make out like a bandit. I love this graphic. The dog poops … Natural consequence … He has to Clean up the poop. If they make a mess … Have them clean it up. Natural consequences mean that the consequence … goes along with the crime. If your child spills his milk, the right consequence isn’t they get a spanking & you send them to their room.
What do spankings and rooms have to do with Split Milk? That just makes them hate spankings … and YOU! Massive Fail! 🙁 It doesn’t teach them to not spill their milk. BETTER Procedure: They spill their milk and then they get the paper towels and spray …they clean up the spill and make sure it doesn’t smell. They’ve got to wipe the outside of the glass off. They got to rinse the glass off. Then they got to go over the fridge … get the milk. Pour the Milk. Make sure they don’t spill it.
Then they put the cap back on and they go back to the fridge and put it away. And then they take the milk to their seat, and after all this they finally sit down and go back to drinking their milk and feel dumb for spilling it. That’s a “Natural Consequence!” They had a “Natural Punishment” of having to go through all that work & embarrassment. That’s enough! You want to use Natural Consequences in every situation, except those that you can’t. 🙂 Example: They get caught for speeding in your car.
You can’t say, “Well, Speed BACKWARDS all the way home to fix that.” Not Possible! You can’t do that! So then you’ve got to have an “Unnatural Consequence.” They are grounded, they lose the car, or whatever .. blah blah blah blah… that you have to do. But you want to use natural consequences whenever you can. Here’s another example. Kid leaves their bike out in the rain.
You told him, “Don’t leave your bike out … it’s going to rain tonight.” Kid says, “Ok … I’ll Remember” … and they don’t! Then they go out there tomorrow and their bike is all rusted up, it’s junk and it really won’t run anymore. And they said, ” Hey Dad, Can I have a new bike?” NO. But I’m not going to punish the child for leaving it out there either. But I’m going to say,”Here’s what we can do. Looks like you have a little problem with your bike. Remember, we talked about putting the bike away yesterday? Yeah. Did you remember? No … I might have forgot. OK. Good information. Now you’ve LEARNED a good lesson.
Congratulations! Now you know what happens when you leave the bike out. So we learned something here … that’s valuable Good, good. Your learning all the time. It’s great. I’m excited for you. You learned a valuable lesson that will save you thousands of dollars in the future. Congratulations!” Now … Natural consequences.” “Child says, “Can you buy me a new bike” The answer is “NO.” So what am I going to do? I’m going to say you had a perfectly good bike. You left it out in the rain. Now, the natural consequence is you don’t have a bike.
Say, “I’ll tell you what… I will give you a break. I’m going to give you a better outcome then you actually deserve. I’m going to let YOU fix the bike. YOU have to do all the work. I’ll buy you some steel wool and spray paint at the store. You will have a lot of work to do. You will sand off all the rust and Clean it up nice.
Rinse the bike off and let it dry. Then oil it and repaint it. It’ll be almost as good as new! The Child will LEARN a few things. 1) They have to go through your work. 2) It would have taken about 10 seconds to take it out of the rain. 3) Now it’s like you know 20 hours to fix this bike. What do you think they will do in the future? This teaches them something, at the same time it gives them natural consequences.
Notice that YOU are not punishing them. And YOU are actually taking away some of the punishment. You could you say, “Hey, you lost your bike. Oops! I buy a new every 4-5 years. This one was a year old … I guess you got another 3-4 years to wait. I’m not going to do that to you … But I’m also not going to fix that damned thing for either … because I didn’t leave it out in the rain. And I would be cheating you out this valuable lesson.” PERFECT! So now they learn what happens. What costs more time and more frustration. You were the good guy.
You helped them out when you did not have to. You did NOT have to help them with their bike. and, they even feel a little bit of pride about fixing the bike so well. Later, when they hear some other kid that whines or cries and says, “I left my bike out in the rain and now it’s ruined.” They will look at that kid like a loser. They will think, “Why didn’t they just fix the bike themselves?” They will think that this child is a whiner who doesn’t know how to handle simple problems. They will be able to higher self-esteem.